tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51732572011-04-22T09:19:56.867+08:00mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.comBlogger4911100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1122552579938565492005-07-28T20:08:00.000+08:002005-07-28T20:09:39.943+08:00

the irony: I was just wondering when I'll make a shift. oh well. haha i've shifted:http://mr-sandmannn.blogspot.comchange ur links if u want, i don't think anybody bothers anyway :D

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1122466527703511562005-07-27T19:48:00.000+08:002005-07-27T20:15:27.710+08:00

after the ongoings last night, the event that was traced with a tinge of sadness and in retrospect, a pitiable sad spin that is regretful and much missed in the near future, I realised that this blog has a special aura or power or influence with it that has gathered strength over the years, and I really must say years. It's been four years now. But after last night, when posts that implied

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1122390598338563522005-07-26T23:08:00.000+08:002005-07-26T23:09:58.343+08:00

maybe i'm just always going to be too late, always not in time for the moment to get her, to meet to share... always running up against the wall, and then disappointed in the end.. maybe what the heck. as senseless as this is, there's some truth in it.. the hell that burns in my mind..

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1122368944166143022005-07-26T16:32:00.000+08:002005-07-26T17:09:04.170+08:00

Okay, after the long hiatus that was imposed on me due to unforseen circumstances, I'm finally back online, blogging. Consequentially, it will lead to the disastrous butterfly effect of procrastination of work. The separation of me and the internet has led me to understand the power of the internet, and its practical functionality. I felt the drought of power, the queer feeling. When I needed to

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1121775016702913112005-07-19T20:00:00.000+08:002005-07-19T20:10:16.710+08:00

this song's tremelousousouslily great and has made me look up when I'm down for whatever reason I do not know, probably cos it kindda reminds me that being down is a choice.. yes it is. everything is a choice, even the feelings u feel.. the determinant however is one's willpower and strength of the mind to control and choose.. it is not to be logical.. it is to be the best that one can be.. yeah,

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1121697233279930212005-07-18T21:49:00.000+08:002005-07-18T22:33:53.340+08:00

when now and then you go back to a same page and you see the first words that parades itself are the words that remind you of horror and pain of a mistake, of a hurt you are reponsible for, you figure that it feels like living with closed curtains that stretch from the ceiling to the ground, and everytime the words they appear, its like the curtains are drawn and blinding light sears your eyes -

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1121601134628044772005-07-17T19:37:00.000+08:002005-07-17T19:52:14.633+08:00

I'm just blogging to push away the previous entries lower a little. I don't have much to blog about except that I'm pretty much screwed cos I haven't done any real work the past 2 weeks, so yeah... well.... gah. anyhow, I figured that well, I suck. Okay, I think I shall go take the spiritual gifts test that marcus told me about. I really really love that dream of mine. It's so inspiring and the

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1121445791831037542005-07-16T00:28:00.000+08:002005-07-16T00:43:11.836+08:00

I lay on the ground, pulling my hair,screaming silently inside,biting my shirt till it tears,praying for salvation,chewing my flesh leaving scars,rolling about in agony,reciting the words I want to hear,spurning away all the fears,drenched in the tears of pain,never forget what I lost,fighting demons within so far,and Christ picked me up,in His name I garnered strengthand fought the demons within

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1121429962005190892005-07-15T20:04:00.000+08:002005-07-15T20:19:22.013+08:00

have you ever had the train doors slam shut in your face, with a short pause that for the moment felt like an eternal drag, and then the train slowly picking itself away? it feels like that. It feels like whatever I do, however hard I struggle, I'm where I am, just like swimming in an ocean of dense, thick mercury, and every breath I take seeps into my lungs and slices it with a piercing pain.

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1121342116429069802005-07-14T19:52:00.000+08:002005-07-14T19:55:16.436+08:00

maybe its just me on my part..foolish mood swings and misreading things, being sensitive and petty, and stuff.. that's just me right.. then everything keeps twirling around disgusting black feelings..feels abandoned..or maybe not..maybe its just the wrong way to see things.maybe its just a choice..maybe its just an opinion, perspective.. sigh. fuck this blog.

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1121257867031801492005-07-13T19:55:00.000+08:002005-07-13T20:31:07.366+08:00

Oddly enough, it is strange how the case unfolds.. just like how this bloody thing is lagging for whatever reason i know not of. My english is pathetic, as I just reminded myself by looking back at the previous sentence, and this inclusive. Anyway, I wonder how the other charitable/volunteer organisations obtains funds for the running of the organisation etc. I mean, for eg, what about minds?

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1121169972545852162005-07-12T19:38:00.000+08:002005-07-12T20:06:12.550+08:00

and oh behold nothing lessi'm feeling sick, unfulfilled, unsatisfied, discontented.with what? everything. or so, about there.yes including you, i don't know why. i don't want to be a hypocriteand hence i admit that i'm not doing a good job either - i suck, and i don't know how to get better, but i've tried hard, but i dont know how, and the cycle repeats (i.e. i don't know how, and i dont know...

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1120984860701855602005-07-10T16:40:00.000+08:002005-07-10T16:41:00.723+08:00

my bike got stolen. what the shit. seriously. what the bloody shit. damnit. did i say im sick of everything? yeah i am.

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1120981093077597702005-07-10T15:25:00.000+08:002005-07-10T15:38:13.083+08:00

God is amazing. SERIOUSLY. now i'm going india. i'm allowed. again. haha oh well. that's great all the same. VJ's TSD performances were really superb. I really was very impressed by a lot of the performances, especially the xijie's dramatic sequence, I would watch it again (if she wore something else, or rather something at all) and the shawn monologue and the elderly folks group piece. the

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1120783454113405162005-07-08T08:43:00.000+08:002005-07-08T08:44:14.120+08:00

le mother says no now.. so I fling my arms into the air and cry out injustice? well. whatever. sigh

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1120746254303577922005-07-07T22:00:00.000+08:002005-07-07T22:24:14.306+08:00

way away I'll be lost in my own disaster, encircled within my head.. encircling me are questions that plague my mind, and that finds itself sucking the life out of me..thrown into an abyss of queer hell, a plethora of lethargy, of dread, of foreboding, of despair, of lonesomeness, of abandonement strikes me and then I fall..and I lie on the floor, staring blankly at the dust and cracks on the

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1120491702206532472005-07-04T23:33:00.000+08:002005-07-04T23:41:42.226+08:00

Mom allowed me to go for the India Mission Trip. OH MY. Praise Him! I'm really excited. I'm gonna have to miss prom. No regrets about that, but I feel very guilty and bad that I let down some friends cos of some promise. Sigh. I dont know. Anyhow, if I'm going for the trip, then I must really empower and equip myself with knowledge of the Word of God. Youth day is such a i-dono-how-to-describe

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1120403985706912462005-07-03T23:15:00.000+08:002005-07-03T23:19:45.710+08:00

I'm tired. I've earnestly tried very hard. I might even dare say I've given my best shot. Maybe I could have done more, but still, I did my best to be focused, and to be disciplined, and to help each other be focused as well. But things don't always turn out the way we want them to be. But I'm tired. I've tried hard. And I'm tired that it keeps turning out like this. Yet all in all, I know He is

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1120258916004953632005-07-02T06:50:00.000+08:002005-07-02T07:01:56.010+08:00

the bus loomed and I paused a brief moment,then my heart sank and I heaved a sigh,and she took off and I wondered why,then she turned aroundthe ride is over,the words been spoken,the tears have sunk,she was far away, just a bus's length distance.I could see her from where I was.I spoke to Him and askedfor the questions I should ask,for answers to these to cure me,and forgive me my sins aplentyI

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1119786060197752072005-06-26T19:37:00.000+08:002005-06-26T19:41:00.203+08:00

THE OC SONG!!!! I LOVE IT!!! AHHH!!(Sing to the irish beer song)Jesus You are king and we just want to learn from YouHow to be more like you each day faithful and so trueBut you know all our failings and you know we are weakJesus if we didn't have You, our future's just so bleakWhen Your blood was shed for us and when you knocked our doorWe let You in so joyously we even swept the floorAnd know

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1119708333179652172005-06-25T21:44:00.000+08:002005-06-25T22:05:33.186+08:00

Days whizzed by so quickly that it seemed only an hour ago that I was slacking around without much haste and worry about commontests. Church camp whizzed by too so quickly that I missed it, and on the last day I felt like putting my arms around the wooden stilts that hold up the hut, and let horrid Farewell strangle me, tear me apart from the place, in spite of its unhygenic, dirty, cramped

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1119013725897713122005-06-17T21:07:00.000+08:002005-06-17T21:08:45.903+08:00

when the music fadesall is stripped awayand i simply comelonging just to bringsomething that's of worththat will bless your hearti bring you more than a songfor a song in itselfis not what You have requiredYou search much deeper withinthrough the way things appearYou're looking into my heartI'm coming back to the heart of worshipand it's all about YouIt's all about You, JesusI'm sorry Lord for

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1118753767858116592005-06-14T20:54:00.000+08:002005-06-14T20:56:07.856+08:00

and when i lie on the floor with the eyes wiped clean and dry. i scream inside. and wish. and hope. that my angel will appear before me. rescue me from the depths of this shit. living hell. change me forever. so that i will never fall back in. but the cold hard truth knocks me out. and i'm beaten. are you there? somewhere? wont u save me?

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1118753672768030012005-06-14T20:52:00.001+08:002005-06-14T20:54:32.770+08:00

i'm fucked. help me. this is a fucking sos. now the end of days. my days. is now. fuck. what? nothings gonna change at the end of this. i wish i didnt live. i wish i was something else. a rock. a dog. a cock. a frog. a log. a blog. a clock. a sock. a knock. anything. anything at all. anythin else. but me.

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1118753575052297132005-06-14T20:52:00.000+08:002005-06-14T20:52:55.053+08:00

in a sstrange subconscious way, im beginning to enjoy this. this. this. this. routine. of just typing my whole fucking mind away without a fucking care. and the story never ends. ever ever ever ends. does it?

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1118753530081001432005-06-14T20:50:00.001+08:002005-06-14T20:52:10.083+08:00

worse yet. i havent thot of the consequences to this. responsible for these junk. to explain what was going on. to keep everything intact. to be fucking screwing up. to unscrew the screwups. to fucking get everything straight. well fuck.

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1118753445975628122005-06-14T20:50:00.000+08:002005-06-14T20:50:45.976+08:00

in terms of time and space.

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1118753429926899612005-06-14T20:49:00.000+08:002005-06-14T21:10:29.560+08:00

as lifeless as things get. what do you do. if the only way you can escape is away? the only channel and avenue you can find solace and comfort is far away. away. away. away. away. away. away. away. away. away. away. away. away. away. away. away. awayyy.a awy. away.away. awya. ayaw.a awyaw. aywa.waway. awa.a aya. away. awway. away.aw

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1118753349823137072005-06-14T20:48:00.001+08:002005-06-14T20:49:09.823+08:00

answers are not found here. i see nothing here. just a plane of emptiness.

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1118753325009189942005-06-14T20:48:00.000+08:002005-06-14T20:48:45.010+08:00

i keep trying. but what's wrong? why am i? what am i? how am i so?

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1118753292287447192005-06-14T20:47:00.000+08:002005-06-14T20:48:12.286+08:00

and the worse thing is. nobody gives a shit. nobody hears me. nobody will notice. until i'm dead. and if i'm lucky i live. if not i die. die another night.

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1118753247692143482005-06-14T20:42:00.000+08:002005-06-14T20:47:27.696+08:00

i'm in a world of my own, lost in my own fuckedup thoughts, pent up emotions leak slowly, slowly, slowly, and they pour out and i don't know what is wrong, or what to do. noone to confide in. beyond escapism. even the storm pays no mercy. nothing to escape to. nowhere to run to. noplace to hide in. nothing to comfort me, except just a wall. the blank wall staring back at me as i search for

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1118717462219175552005-06-14T10:42:00.000+08:002005-06-14T10:51:02.226+08:00

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here Here comes the sun, here comes the sun and I say it's all right And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me, shine until tomorrow, let it be. I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be. Words are flying out like

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1118664965032284682005-06-13T20:07:00.000+08:002005-06-13T20:16:05.036+08:00

Fancy a man getting all jittery and fearful because of a dream?A dreamer too. Fear held its grip on me, and I crept to get my mobile, to be greeted by a familiar comforting face. I closed my eyes, said a prayer and huddled it to sleep. Running as far as I could from the remnants of the previous dream, I travelled further to reality..Sigh. I steamed a fish. Sucked a lemon. Slapped a squid onto my

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1118424975497134832005-06-11T01:32:00.000+08:002005-06-11T01:36:15.503+08:00

it has been very enlightening thus far, learning about wisdom, acquiring, and then the conversation we had that was very revealing and provocative.. so many things to begin on.. these things, many things I've taken for granted, of them I have been so myopic about. but Lord, thank You so much for giving me these lessons, for giving me this soulmate and guide who you sent, that I may grow and

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1118333336610243392005-06-10T00:06:00.000+08:002005-06-10T00:08:56.616+08:00

I remember it wellThe first time that I sawYour head around the door'Cause mine stopped workingI remember it wellThere was wet in your hairI was stood in stareAnd time stopped movingI want you here tonightI want you here'Cause I can't believe what I foundI want you here tonight want you hereNothing is taking me down, down, down...I remember it wellTaxied out of a stormTo watch you performAnd my

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1118283589509344692005-06-09T10:05:00.000+08:002005-06-09T10:19:49.513+08:00

Perfection is not the absolute flawlessness of the matter. It is the amazing system that God created for this world, so thatall things displaced will return to the same ideal situation, thatall things keep growing and improving, yet maintaining an optimal setting.Perfection is when you love her and she loves you - not because you're both flawless, or because being together makes anyone

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1118243737120782192005-06-08T23:12:00.000+08:002005-06-08T23:15:37.126+08:00

I don't know at all what the hell is wrong with me. Am I suffering from depression? What exactly is depression? What is this feeling? What is this, state of mind, or this irritating idiosyncracy or characteristic or whatsoever that plagues me, that drags my already weakened will down, that keeps eluding me with queer emotions, with moments of doubt, question, fear, puzzlement, anger, bitterness,

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1118164351894726962005-06-08T01:03:00.000+08:002005-06-08T01:12:31.900+08:00

sunset over strange sands slow,harken the fading glow,and all I see is you..red light flashed in my mind,bright stars rained down tonight,and then I think of you..courtyard filled with traces of you,your hair screams of a beautiful,day by day i long for you,dark nights tear my screaming wounds..may the wind cary thruthis song that will tell youI miss you.I've come to realise that having 'student'

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1118075662693986012005-06-06T23:36:00.000+08:002005-06-07T00:34:22.713+08:00

In the dullness of the room,I lonelily attempt to wake up,but the stillness of the heart,and silent night weighed upon me.Akward inanimation of the phone stared, mouth gaping, eyes wide.Freeze dried romance, echoes of phone conversationsof a time long ago.Dead, the pulse that reverbratesfrom the end of the line.Silence tightened the knots on my lips,and a spear of longing pierced throughmy frail

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1118026800361514892005-06-06T10:46:00.000+08:002005-06-06T11:00:00.366+08:00

Rain it wets muddy roadsI find myself exposedTapping doors, but irritateIn search of destinationHarder now with higher speedWashing in on top of meSo I look to my eskimo friendI look to my eskimo friendI look to my eskimo friendWhen I'm down, down, down.I've discovered why bank queues are so damn long. As I was standing in line, I noticed that I'm the only young chap there. No, when I meant young

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1117992779392490032005-06-06T00:46:00.000+08:002005-06-06T01:32:59.396+08:00

Hey little girl, with the yellow ribbonin bright cheery stars, and a tiny button nose.Where have you been? I have been lookingbut thank God you appeared!Your smile lit this room, filling the darkness in here,and a scented melody tails you.Oh little girl, are you fine?Because the world needs your warmth,and I can't walk through it in the cold.Will you hold my hand? I can't do it alone.Oh no! Are

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1117900530601597522005-06-04T23:29:00.000+08:002005-06-04T23:55:30.606+08:00

Night skies are thought-provoking.Coming in many shapes, sizes and shades,they peel my mind like layers of onions.Translucent clouds breathe life into them,as they stretch, skew and slide.Unnatural colours and bright lights of the cityshimmers through the distance.Unprecedented a moment, the clouds suddenlyshatter into a thousand pieces. Collapsing into a vortex sprung beneaththe ground, words

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1117847606009604712005-06-04T09:10:00.000+08:002005-06-04T09:13:26.010+08:00

I am the antithesis of beauty. Everything about me. I'm disgusted at myself sometimes, most of the time, all the time. Looking at this blog is an example. I'm disgusted at myself the way I behave, I'm such a useless shithole who can't do anything right, and for all this cursing and self-damnation, for all its worth, its led me to believe fervently more and more that I should either wake up or end

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1117784089840160052005-06-03T15:34:00.000+08:002005-06-03T15:34:49.846+08:00

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1117766439007157882005-06-03T10:32:00.000+08:002005-06-03T10:40:39.013+08:00

much to the change in directions last night, consequently influencing the mood and colours that swirl around in the air that hangs above the room, I woke up today to release my feelings in the way I promised myself I would.. so there. I wrote a song, titled wonder. It's nothing like wonderwall or wishing on someone else's star or numb or anything you can imagine. It's a lousy piece of compiled

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1117713180245692892005-06-02T19:47:00.000+08:002005-06-02T19:53:00.246+08:00

The comic book is EXCELLENT! Its delicious, yummy, appetizing, delightful, stupendous, and finger-licking good! It has in it wit, humour, slap-stick, Mr.Fong-ish, RI-ish spirit, and yet generic so much that it can be appreciated by any Tom, Dick or Harry. The cover is really nice too! =P AND, its got a trace of sarcasm in some of it, and the drawing of course being mr. FOng is just so comical and

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1117712821689859282005-06-02T19:43:00.000+08:002005-06-02T19:47:01.696+08:00

One of my favouritest books I've ever read. So long and thanks for all the fish. I know. It is queer definitely, that so many people, critics, and reviews find the movie substandard, and lousy. Its disheartening indeed, but having watched the film, I'm really happy, delighted, thrilled, exhilirated that my dream has turned real. Of course, so much of the wit and humour of Douglas Adams has been

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1117640500409054212005-06-01T23:31:00.000+08:002005-06-01T23:41:40.416+08:00

I'm currently eating oreos, meaning there's something fundamentally wrong. It means I'm stressed up. About? I have no idea. But there's really something strange. Very very quaint and queer.I'm happy. As I was walking home today, I saw this little toddler girl hopping behind her mother, catching up with her, and they meet another lady with a young toddler boy. And the girl stretched out her hand

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1117551505380065032005-05-31T21:54:00.000+08:002005-05-31T22:58:25.386+08:00

I hate bacteria (or fungi or whatever not), and their stupid names. Thiobacillus ferrooxidans. Pseudonomas spp. Zoogloea ramigera. Zygomonas mobilis. Rhizomucor pussillus. Bacillus stearothermophilus. Bravo. This page is now infested with all those creepy microorganisms that plague our world. Anyhow, there's so much to revise in so short a period, and I'm still in limbo. I was going to type "in

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1117371928930108012005-05-29T20:44:00.000+08:002005-05-29T21:05:28.936+08:00

You know what the damn problem with this whole thing is now? Its the pressures on a below-average, extremely-low-IQ, retardedly-stupid, student from a premiere school in the bishan-amk area. Its the nagging from people all around. Its the peer pressure that's ostensibly, inextricably entangles, envelopes, engulfs and smothers me till I'm driven to the brinks of hell, treading precariously on the

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1117207655132435002005-05-27T23:24:00.000+08:002005-05-27T23:27:35.136+08:00

sigh. I must stop myself from hating,from thinking, from feeling bitter, from plaguing my own mind.. It feels everything just fucks up simultaneously,consecutively, with increasing intensity,and I feel like ending everything,just walk away, shut the door, and cease to existbut because there are things, and peopleI will hold on to, worth living for, I know I shallslowly crawl my way out of hell

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1117119848003885582005-05-26T22:46:00.000+08:002005-05-26T23:04:08.036+08:00

can't put into perspective the wrong or rightcan't put into words the feelings of wrong or rightguess can't put blame on anyonei've only let myself downjust another failure of my lifeand i guess i'll have to slowly crawl my way out of hell, inch by inchso long, goodnight

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1116946967319269022005-05-24T22:35:00.000+08:002005-05-24T23:02:47.346+08:00

through the dark nights, lonely hearts and broken dreamsdrops of rain and tears mix in the cold and as sicklesof ice froze from my mind, I closed my eyes and it seemsthe perfect picture was the one where the ground ispainted with my brain and blood, and all I see is wrongthen maybe through the sea of red, the colours of sin andfailure plague my mind, fills a stench, bringing death alongmy

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1116603839819200922005-05-20T23:20:00.000+08:002005-05-20T23:43:59.826+08:00

+ now you see me now you don't watch me dive below + the spate of events have led me to thinking that perhaps after all, it is I who brought it all upon myself, and for a long while, I keep complaining and believing that it is everything else that caused all my problems and hence I channeled my anger and bitterness to these things, or people. everything that seems to revolve around each other is

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1116252490227669632005-05-16T21:59:00.000+08:002005-05-16T22:08:10.260+08:00

Some song I wrote for the sake of writing a song. It takes two hands to hold a threadYou can't paint a picture with only one colourAll the gifts I gave sacrifices I madeHow could you throw it all away, like you said you'd neverGot them lost in a corner of your mindAnd then for fall for that other guySo I told myself some sweet liesPretended to sail away to paradiseBut I was really fighting demons

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1115563967423262632005-05-08T22:33:00.000+08:002005-05-08T22:52:47.910+08:00

And I wonder why I have to have all these things thrown at me at this time, when things just seem to be right. Its like one moment everything is fine, and the next, your entire life is turned inside out, every single little object of faith, belief, joy, and humility comes tumbling down. I don't believe in things going downhill. I believe there can only be improvement, but now an external element

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1115474295059064052005-05-07T21:47:00.000+08:002005-05-07T21:58:15.443+08:00

I was out eating dinner and this flying insect suddenly flew onto the table, and got stuck in some small puddle of sauce on the table. Its wings got stuck together like glue, cos of the adhesion of the water. So it struggled and struggled. It crawled and crept. It bent its body forward so its legs could reach the wings, but it was in vain. It never gave up, even after it fell to the floor, and I

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1115393661605342412005-05-06T23:25:00.000+08:002005-05-06T23:34:21.610+08:00

One of Hullett's old motto or vision was "it's now how good you are, it's how darn bad you want it". And I realise it's true, in many aspects, and now more than ever, I have come to understand it completely. Nothing is certain. As I stare across the horizon, and I stare out of the window, I see blinking lights and gleaming signs that either blurs your vision or lighten the night sky. As transient

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1115215038666463852005-05-04T21:02:00.000+08:002005-05-04T21:57:19.246+08:00

"Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can. "Anyhow, life is so rubbishy. Can you imagine yourself going back everyday knowing you are returning to a place you dread? Like something strangely dismissing, cold is haunting. AH whatever. Now its just HOCKEY. Raise the stick, give it your best hit, cos the next ball that goes will create wonders, and for our memory

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1115048729325600232005-05-02T23:44:00.000+08:002005-05-02T23:45:29.326+08:00

life just bllooody sucks. really. hell. i hate my mom. i cant wait to get out of this house, and live on my own. GAH

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1114996416516774082005-05-02T01:01:00.000+08:002005-05-02T09:13:36.516+08:00

Imagine I had a little tiny cup, on a little tiny saucer, with a little tiny silver teaspoon in it for you to stir the fragrant, rich brown tea. Stirring the tea brings about changes. Swirling of the elements within. Cooling the warmth of its life. Inducing the fragrance to drift. So tell me, what about a cup of tea? Do not sway, because our lives are already filled with so many things that are

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1114950827997130912005-05-01T20:29:00.000+08:002005-05-01T20:33:47.996+08:00

Spring, winter, autumn or summer,the lily smiles bright and pretty.Some months that leap, however,grey sky mornings shake the tree.I wonder if the sparrow's songs,or the dreary fog cast the spells.In my sight, the haze is wrong,but I pray it clears from the realms.There are days I wish on the well,for a symphony over a tune.Perhaps the dusk is clear,of this I will neer be sure.Yet, through the

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1114789149270528572005-04-29T23:33:00.000+08:002005-04-29T23:39:09.270+08:00

Gah. I don't know why I'm here blogging. I feel crappy. And as a result also, I'm not in the right mind to do anything at all. whatever. life sucks. sometimes I really wonder.

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1114528724271597162005-04-26T22:01:00.000+08:002005-04-26T23:18:44.273+08:00

had strange encounters recently. walking to the bus stop in Orchard, out of nowhere, we heard someone singing the school anthem loudly, "when Stamford Raffles held the torch...!" and I turned, and suddenly a strange middle-aged probably 40,50-ish plump short man came up to my face and continued singing the anthem with some funny tone I can't decipher. Was it contrived conviction, and sarcasm? I

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1114264400266195862005-04-23T21:42:00.000+08:002005-04-23T21:53:20.270+08:00

And through it all, its will be worth it. Everything that matters fall into place. I'm holding on to something I believe in, and its great to believe. What is unduly worrying is the events that come our way. Trials and temptations. God and Devil. Growth and sin. Pray. Prayers will be sung into the peaceful nights, and will bring blessed grace to all of us.Sigh. My days feel so empty, without

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1113828613291463572005-04-18T20:49:00.000+08:002005-04-18T20:50:13.293+08:00

When you're down and troubledAnd you need a helping handAnd nothing, Oh nothing is going rightClose your eyes and think of meAnd soon I will be thereTo brighten up even your darkest nightYou just call out my nameAnd you know wherever I amI'll come running (yeh) to see you againWinter, spring, summer or fallAll you got to do is callAnd I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.You've got a friend (ooh)If

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1113743375919029952005-04-17T21:09:00.000+08:002005-04-17T21:09:35.920+08:00

I can't access the blogger mainpage, and have been frustrated with it for a long time until I remember there's the Blogthis! button which I've never tried before, so this is a shot at it. The objects in my chaotic life are shifting around the room in a haphazard manner, and there seems to be an increase in entropy, and an increase in the probability that the roof is going to crash. Damn. Why do

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1113400372510723412005-04-13T21:31:00.000+08:002005-04-13T21:52:52.510+08:00

I was just thinking about how dark the crap coming out of me is, then I thought about night. And I realised the reason(s) why I like the night a lot. There are too many things during the day that just pisses me off. At night, there is noone, almost noone at all to piss me off. No parents doing retarded things, no noise in school, no retarded J1s with irksome faces, no pathetic retards in school

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1112976868337277992005-04-08T23:56:00.000+08:002005-04-09T00:14:28.336+08:00

When I laugh with you, all the false chuckles and forced giggles are put away, and I really laugh with my heart. Looking at you makes me go weak in the knees, I tremble and fall, over and over again for you. Listening to your silence lets me join you in your reverie, the winding, meandering passage of your thoughts, and your fantasies that I may rejoice in the revelations from within. Your voice

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1112790931911322022005-04-06T20:23:00.000+08:002005-04-06T20:35:31.913+08:00

Intriguing. Totally. Rather interesting these days. Destroyed a door. Have chilli painted my shirt. 'Borrowed' a Stuff magazine. Playing like crap at times during training. Shaving hair. Watching a live pussy fight. Intrigued by the number of pins in girls' hair, and how they tie it into buns, and by strapless erm. Retarded. I don't understand. Went to run n some pullups on monday, training on

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1112543495100092662005-04-03T23:46:00.000+08:002005-04-03T23:51:35.100+08:00

I get no kick from alcohol,I get no kick from smoking,I get no kick from sheesha,I get no kick from money,I get no kick from nothing, butI get a kick out of you.

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1112452994715106792005-04-02T22:07:00.000+08:002005-04-02T22:43:14.716+08:00

"Paparoti: Father of all buns." - That's the stupid name and exhiliratingly hilarious seller line. Like WOW. Daniel Chen got injured today. Goodness. Pray for him. Anyhow. I'm really tired. Like really really. Amazing that I can still be alive to waste my time typing this crap, when I jolly well know I shouldn't be. Okay, anyway, I must declare something, because I'm quite happy. I bought a

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1112284507419485592005-03-31T23:53:00.000+08:002005-03-31T23:56:49.983+08:00

is everything.I know this sounds gay, but. I really want to like just appear i front of every sad person in this world right now, and give him/her a hug, and then somehow he/she will feel amazingly warm, and joyful for the rest of his/her life. It's not something a guy would or should say, but that's what I truly am thinking and feeling right now. Sigh.

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1112283656626451282005-03-31T23:34:00.000+08:002005-03-31T23:44:56.246+08:00

it's devastating when everything is wrong. everything. even the things i thought were right, even the music i make, even the words that i string together, even the thoughts i have. everything is wrong. i just feel wrong about everything, and it's a depressing lot. i'm just one big mistake, an emotional wreck, a total devastation, and a waste product of chaos. and even with the one thing, even

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1112111068014962662005-03-29T23:16:00.000+08:002005-03-29T23:44:28.016+08:00

Here I go again. My random rambling. Weakness shouldn't be declared. It exposes the vulnerabilities of an already meek man. When things don't seem to go right, everything that there is flaunts the truth, and reminds me to be thankful. Sigh. My hair flops and shelters a dark forehead. Scars blemish, and beautify. Eyes like those of a tired cat staring into the mirror. The symmetry and

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1112019381316893592005-03-28T21:58:00.000+08:002005-03-28T22:21:15.123+08:00

I'm really stupid. And everything points to the blaring fact that my mind is degenerate, and my brain is rotting, wasting away. I was quite sad for a while, but I guess you can't remain sad about being stupid for a long time, so yah well, I reverted to my retarded self by midday, I think. I think I'm confident of my hits now, even though I know they're not 100%, or hard, or really good or what,

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1111926029086726172005-03-27T19:52:00.000+08:002005-03-27T20:20:29.090+08:00

GAH. Blogger bloody screwed up on me. I posted something in the afternoon, where I quoted Matthew 4:4, and Matthew 6:25-33 if I'm not wrong, and I was saying something about Good Friday and Easter Sunday and how I can't imagine how my life the past 17 years has been away, disacknowledging Him, and I can't see my future without Him. okay. So well. Blogger screwed up. So whatever.Well, anyway, I

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1111909944712668972005-03-27T15:24:00.000+08:002005-03-27T15:52:24.713+08:00

Celebrate Christ's resurrection. Embrace Him. I think back on my past junk, intron-filled 18 years of my life. Well. Praise Him. "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth our of the mouth of God" Matthew 4:4"25 ‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1111843719746468402005-03-26T21:24:00.000+08:002005-03-26T21:28:39.746+08:00

Pointers for training today: 1. SUCKS 2. SUCKS 3. SUCKS I'm beginning to wonder why I'm in this, trying, caring at all.

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1111720429868887402005-03-25T10:20:00.000+08:002005-03-25T11:13:49.870+08:00

Crushing waves of fear and distress rip through me.I think being a gigolo is not too bad, to raise some dough,but nobody would want me. I don't know what to think. Goodbye.

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1111648436621662092005-03-24T14:54:00.000+08:002005-03-24T15:13:56.623+08:00

Okay. So common tests has ended. What am I doing here? Good question. Its 3pm on the day when my last paper has ended. I should be out with my friends, watching a movie, eating, drinking, fagging, whatever. But gasp. Why?! Ronald is such a dork! A loser, and the ultimatum: the epitome of a mug-till-ur-balls-drop-ish high-pants-club-chairman carry-campbell-wherever-i-go nerd. Oh my sashay!

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1111410262188509362005-03-21T21:02:00.000+08:002005-03-21T21:04:22.190+08:00

Lovely. I lost my wallet. Just when I'm already in dire straits. Just when it has so much money, all of which is to repay my debts. Just when common tests are going to be over soon, and I intended to have some fun during the weekend. Lovely. Just lovely. I have noone to blame, nothing to do to release my anger/sadness/whatever. I feel everything, it becomes nothing now. Whatever.

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1111311732998431072005-03-20T17:38:00.000+08:002005-03-20T17:42:13.000+08:00

Thank You, Lord, for everything. For the 2 most important things in my life now.Sigh.

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1110984725562985612005-03-16T22:33:00.000+08:002005-03-16T22:52:05.563+08:00

I'm going to write this here to remember though it is not a tribute or anything..One day, when I create a brilliant masterpiece of art that embodies the most amazing beauty that is like that of my dear, I will dedicate it, and let it be a tribute to her, because I don't know how to show how thankful I am, and how much in love I am with the most beautiful and amazing thing in this world.. And if

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1110966466963291152005-03-16T17:19:00.000+08:002005-03-16T17:47:46.966+08:00

I find myself questioning all the time. Sigh. Today, yesterday, and I don't know when else, I have been very unstable, like I've become not only permeable but actually attract negative thoughts, feelings and memories to flood my mind. I mean, it's not like there's a concentration gradient. I'm already full of worries and problems, why a sudden influx of these rotten things? I try to find peace.

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1110867722300991392005-03-15T14:21:00.000+08:002005-03-15T14:22:02.303+08:00

It was the first snow of the seasonI can almost see you breathinIn the middle of that empty streetSometimes I still see myselfIn that lonesome bedroomPlayin my guitarAnd singing songs of hopeFor a better futureLife isOnlyAs good as the memories we makeAnd I?m taking back what belongs to mePolaroids of classrooms unattendedThese relics of remembrenceAre just like shipwrecksOnly theyre gone

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1110857649355380112005-03-15T10:57:00.000+08:002005-03-15T11:34:09.356+08:00

The return is always filled with emotions and thoughts. Worries start flooding my mind. Common tests, SPA, money issues, a weary heart, insatiable desire, time, fatigue, how to improve further, fitness, thinking of ways to get better and smarter and what have you. Life is a drag. The endless continuum of start-stop actions, potentials, and the intangible, randomly and yet orderly fuse into a

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1110468706655613922005-03-10T20:11:00.000+08:002005-03-10T23:31:46.660+08:00

time is like a viscous fluid stretching into a dark bottomless pit when important things and pieces of my life go missing.. even for a day.. strange. sigh.okay leaving for malaysia in just a few hours. am shittily sick, i hope i get better soon, then can train properly. sigh. it's depressing. to be away. to be longing. to be sick. to be trying to train hard and up my game.. season's coming. it's

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1110294362580426432005-03-08T21:45:00.000+08:002005-03-08T23:06:02.583+08:00

.ilu* happy first month happy hippie! Going off this friday. Our little secret we share, only for us to experience to treasure.. Shush. :) Sigh. I got a lil' depressed that I'm so stupid unlike my intelligent, intellectual mate. So well, anyway. Training. I'm crazy. I think if Ian wasn't being nice and cautious, I would have lost my head. I stood a distance right ahead of him as he was about to

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1110117657644029512005-03-06T21:47:00.000+08:002005-03-06T22:00:57.646+08:00

Ouch. That's all I have to say. Gah. I'm stupid. Lesson learnt. Things to work on: more accurate sweeps. more proper tackles. less dangerous tackles. ha. clearing quickly. My swell was really a large ugly swell. A bloody affair. The local anaesthesia was the coolest though. Xrays are a waste of money. Hmm. I need to get my life sorted out. Sigh. Thank God for everything. Now what I need is some

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1109861903027073252005-03-03T22:38:00.000+08:002005-03-03T22:58:23.033+08:00

Even if I should collapse from fatigue..Even if the pillars should tumble..Even if the music stops playing.. Even if the colours fade into darkness..Even if the clouds should shed tears..Even if the oceans rise and crash..Even if the sun refused to shine..Even if the world should tumble and fall, pieces of it shattering away, shreds of it tearing off, shards shooting down, I'll still be strong

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1109763319152319522005-03-02T19:29:00.000+08:002005-03-02T19:35:19.153+08:00

sigh. miss you. feels strangely strange. my greed is lighting my desire on fire.

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1109508297850288892005-02-27T20:35:00.000+08:002005-02-27T20:44:57.850+08:00

I'm... ARGH. Bloody bus bustards. Steal away the little precious priceless time from me. Body. Nails. Ears. Save my soul.Everything seems to be robbing me of goodtime, treasuredlovelymoments, simplesoundsandmusic, gentlecaresses and my Everything, my World. I feel so tragically tragic that I... Argh. Nvm. Yet, I figured I can't be greedy. I don't know. In a way, it's a promise I made to myself,

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1109403144304593952005-02-26T15:02:00.000+08:002005-02-26T15:32:24.306+08:00

I find myself in dipshit all the time. I think the results of dramafeste is soooo damn crappy, that I'm not going to talk about any of the other crap plays at all. BUT I find myself in dipshit. I step out of the house, I go to school, I take a bus, I walk along a road, I go to the toilet, I find myself in dipshit. And now, I get dipshit for writing some lines of crap that is played out, by an

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1109161214317510262005-02-23T19:34:00.000+08:002005-02-23T20:20:14.320+08:00

Imagine life as a bin. I didn't say rubbish bin. Black trash bag in the bin, the mouth of it staring indifferently at you, and with so much apathy you couldn't feel a sheet of anything. Watch the bag be filled with torrents of excretion, pouring piss and everything bad, ugly, and stinky. The putrid stench overwhelming beyond contemplation. Vision blurs, blood gushing to the pit below, head

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1108912413699037682005-02-20T23:12:00.000+08:002005-02-20T23:13:33.700+08:00

fark this shit. i'm the most stupid idiot around. what am i doing in rj? gah.

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1108869006619042602005-02-20T10:33:00.000+08:002005-02-20T11:10:06.623+08:00

Last night. Lovely. Sweet chilli. Need a bigger box to keep it all, as we grow, time shoots by and more of us find its way in there. One day, however the future may be, the box and its contents will burn, metaphorically. I find myself lost in endless thoughts again. Magic of the endlessness.Am at Changwen's house now. This morning at 2.30 AM, we humoured a whim, whipped up our fancies and set off

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1108822650677142002005-02-19T21:15:00.000+08:002005-02-19T22:17:30.680+08:00

Inevitable my ass. I feel retarded, and stupid. Wanted to catch it live, but ended up looking at heads, lices, people's dandruff, and so I rushed home only to find myself locked out, so I slept at the swimming pool, and when I really got home, was hoping there's still the dance. But woosh. It's just sad and strange, how inevitable destiny seems to play its games on pooor old me, and the strangest

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173257.post-1108660011272906772005-02-18T00:50:00.002+08:002005-02-18T01:06:51.276+08:00

Training was a one-touch game and deflections, which was fun. Sadly, I can't seem to deflect for saving my life. Need to go closer, be more reactive, stick lower. I think alot of times, its the position. I don't know where to run for goodness' sake. Like Bhullar once said, just difficult to be at the right place at the right time to get it in. Just keep going. Must get motivated.I find myself in

mr.sandmannnnoreply@blogger.com0